I Don't Want to Lose You
by artemisfang
Summary: After the events of the Tartaros arc, Lucy re-evaluates her relationship with her spirits-especially Loke.


Whenever Loke felt that familiar tug, pulling him to the human world, he always prepared for the worst: being thrust into battle, with an already injured yet still fighting Lucy. For a year, he hadn't had to worry about it. It was the only upside to Fairy Tail being broken up, though given how heartbroken Lucy had been, he'd kept that opinion to himself.

Today, as soon as he materialized in Earthland, he took a quick glance at his surroundings. Luckily, he was inside Lucy's house, and it hadn't been turned into a battlefield. "Time for more training, Luce?" he asked. He admired Lucy for the dedication she'd put into her training while Fairy Tail had been apart. She was going to surprise her nakama next time there was a battle, and he was proud of her for it.

To his surprise, Lucy was slumped on her couch. "No, not today," she mumbled, pushing herself up.

Loke blinked a few times, trying to disguise his surprise. "Ah, alright. How can I be of service, then?"

Lucy sighed and avoided eye contact. "Can you just…just…" Whatever came after she whispered so softly even Loke, with his superior hearing, couldn't catch it.

"You know I'm happy to do whatever I can for you, beautiful, but I can't read your mind."

Lucy folded her arms and in one breath said, "Can you just hang out with me?"

Loke carefully sat down on the other edge of the couch. This was a pleasant surprise, and he didn't want to ruin it by pushing things too far. "I would be happy to. But are you sure you don't want to spend some time at the guild? I know how happy you are to have everyone back together again."

Lucy bit her lip and finally turned to look at Loke. "None of them know."

"Know…" Loke trailed off, and then he saw what Lucy was clutching. The handle of Aquarius's key. "Ah." He supposed there had never been a good time. He scooted closer to her and put an arm around her, pulling her into a hug. She sniffled and leaned her head on his chest.

"Everyone is so happy, and things are finally right again, finally the way they should be. I can't ruin it by…by complaining. It's no use, anyway. I had to do it. I had to save them. I didn't have any other choice. Right?" Lucy looked into Loke's eyes, searching for an answer.

"You didn't," Loke confirmed, "what you did was incredible. Summoning three spirits…that would beyond the dreams of most Celestial Spirit Mages. It's not your fault you weren't fighting against humans. I know Virgo and I are both sorry we couldn't do more to help you. Don't blame yourself, Lucy, blame me. If I had been stronger, I could have helped you more, and then maybe…"

Lucy shook her head. "I don't _want_ to blame you. I don't want to blame anyone. I just want Aquarius back. We're not all back together until she's back too, you know?"

Loke stroked her hair. "Yeah, I know what you mean. She's…" He hesitated. He wasn't sure how much Lucy wanted to know, and how much of what happened between Lucy and Aquarius was their personal business. "She's doing well, though. All of her injuries healed." What a lame thing to say.

"That's good to hear. I'm glad she's okay." Lucy managed a smile.

Of course Lucy would find a way to be happy for Aquarius. No matter how sad or hurt she was, she would force a smile eventually. That was something Loke loved about Lucy, but sometimes it hurt his heart to watch.

"Do you want to do something to take your mind off it?" Loke asked, "Although, of course, if you have any other questions, I'm happy to answer them."

"I…" There was a brief flash of indecision and struggle on Lucy's face, and then the smile returned. "Yeah, let's do something. Actually, it's almost dinnertime. Want to help me make something to eat? I'm trying to save money for rent by eating in."

Loke would have been more than happy to take Lucy out to dinner, but he wasn't going to pass up the opportunity to spend some quality time with her in the kitchen. Besides, her wish was his command. "I'd love the opportunity to dazzle you with my cooking skills."

Lucy rolled her eyes as she pushed herself off the couch and headed into the kitchen. "I'd like to see you try," she said. There was still a hint of a smile on her face, though, and that was all Loke cared about.

There weren't many ingredients in Lucy's cupboard, so they had no choice but to make pasta. Lucy hummed to herself as she set the water to boil, while Loke investigated whether there was anything he could turn into a side dish. "I'm going to take you grocery shopping sometime," he decided.

Lucy blushed. "I'm not that broke. I can buy my own groceries."

"I must insist, beautiful. You need more than a few green beans and bruised apples in your fridge."

Lucy gave him a tender smile. "You spirits are always so kind to me. You don't just help me in battle, you take care of me."

"You're our friend, not just our master, Lucy, we enjoy it." Loke tried to hide his disappointment that he had been lumped in with 'you spirits.'

"I know. I'm so happy to have you all as friends." Lucy swirled the pasta around in the water aimlessly, biting her lip. Then she added, "Especially you, Loke. You helped me a lot this past year. All that training we did together. I want to be able to protect my friends, without having to, you know…"

Loke put a hand on her shoulder. "I understand, Lucy. You've grown so much as a mage in the time I've known you. You may not know it, but you're the strongest Celestial Spirit Mage I've met. Being your Spirit makes me proud."

"Are you trying to flatter me?" Lucy asked, although she didn't look too upset for once.

"It's not flattery if it's true, Lucy." And Loke meant it, too. When he complimented Lucy, he always made it genuine. She deserved the best.

Lucy leaned back against him, and Loke inhaled deeply. He hadn't had this much contact with Lucy outside a battle in far too long. Her hair smelled faintly of cherry blossoms. She must have started using that Celestial Spirit shampoo Virgo had delivered to her.

Lucy interrupted his thoughts. "Loke, how many of your masters have you loved?"

"Eh? Where did that come from?"

Lucy balled one of her hands into a fist. "Can you not avoid the question? And answer it honestly."

"Well, um…" Loke adjusted his glasses and tie. Usually he'd pull out a 'you're the only one for me, there's never been anyone else,' line, but lying to Lucy felt like a crime. "A…a few, over the centuries."

"Did any of them ever, you know…feel the same?"

Loke wasn't sure where this line of questioning was going. He knew where he hoped it was going, and he was worried a truthful answer could ruin that. But he could never forgive himself for lying to Lucy. "One, yes. But that was many hundreds of years ago."

Lucy was still leaning against him, and he could feel her tense up when he gave his reply. "So she died, and you just went back to your old ways of flirting with everything that moves?"

"Some would argue that's a coping mechanism."

He expected her to call him an idiot, but instead she asked in a shaky voice, "Is that what you're going to do when I die, too? Forget about me and move on, waiting until the next Celestial Spirit Mage catches your eye?"

Loke had the distinct feeling that one misspeak here would haunt him for a long time to come. "Lucy, what brought this all on?"

Lucy pushed herself off him, then turned around so she could look at him. "I've been thinking a lot about loss lately." Her bottom lip trembled. "I don't want to lose any more of my friends. But I especially don't want to lose you. But does it even matter to you? How could you ever feel the same when time will keep passing, no matter what I feel towards you?"

"Lucy, I—"

Lucy's eyes flashed. "I love you, Loke. But how can you claim to feel the same when my death won't mean anything to you in the grand scheme of your life?"

Lucy's confession rang in Loke's ears. How he had longed to hear those words, though not with her sounding so angry. He took Lucy's hands in his own. No flirtatious lines in the world could get him out of this situation with the result he desired now. All he could do was be honest. "Lucy, there have several occasions where I thought you would die, fighting to protect your friends. Your future self passed in front of my eyes. At first, I was dedicated to you because you gave so much to save my life. After what happened with Karen, I couldn't bear to see something happen to one of my masters when I could have prevented it. When I said I loved you after the Fighting Festival, I wasn't lying. But my love for you has grown so much stronger since then. As I've gotten to know you, to understand you, and respect you—not just as a mage, but as a person. I don't want to think about you dying, or what I'll do when that happens. If I had my way, you'd come and join me in the stars. You deserve it more than any other Celestial Spirit Mage I've encountered. But I can't promise you that, because it's not for me to decide." Lucy was staring at him intently, but he couldn't decipher her expression. Her gripped her hands tighter. "What can I promise you is this. I will be dedicated to you for as long as you live. You will never lose me, no matter what. I will do everything in my power to make that mean for the rest of both our lives, not just yours. No matter what, I will never forget you. That's all I can promise, and only you can decide if it's enough."

Lucy looked ready to cry. "You stupid lion, how did you know I have a weak spot for grand love confessions, like in the fairy tales?" She took a step closer to him. "You better be telling the truth."

"Completely. My heart is yours. You decide what to do with it."

"Well, then—" Lucy took another small step forward, and all the distance between them was gone. She looked up at him expectantly. Praying he'd gotten the signal right, Loke pressed his lips against hers. He could feel her trembling, but she kissed him back. Her lips were soft and the smell of cherry blossoms was no long faint. Loke felt as though he was being consumed by her. When they finally broke apart, Lucy was panting, staring up at him with her eyes wide. "So that's what it's like," she whispered, her voice full of wonder.

Loke traced her jawline with a finger and smiled. She was so incredibly cute. "There's much, much more for you to experience, my love. I hope you'll find me a worthy partner."

Lucy just smiled, and leaned up to kiss him again.

A/N: Holy moly it's been so long. I'm sorry, to any of my followers who clicked on this. College has kept me super busy. I haven't actually decided yet whether I'm going to keep this as a one-shot or make a series out of it. You can let me know what you think. Regardless, I hope to write some more this coming year. See you in the next chapter, whether it's for this or something else!


End file.
